Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Here Come The Patches

I've been relaxing lately, as you can tell by the date stamp difference between this post and the last one.  I had failed to quit smoking, and it wasn't just this last time either.  I've failed to quit smoking MANY times.  I'm a pro at this people, been there, done that.

The last attempt failed because I wasn't ready to accept the psychological change in mood that I experienced.  I was easily aggravated and became very moody.  I'd flip on you in an instant, and you'd never see it coming either.  Not good.  Not good at all.

After some time to reflect on my last attempt, I've come to the decision that I will require some chemical support.  I'm going to pick up some patches soon and give it another go.  I think a slow draining of the nicotine in my system will be  more conducive to my mental state and help me to achieve my goal.

When you fall off the horse, you just have to get back up on there.  I find it easier to get back up on there after the bruises to your ego have had a chance to heal though.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Pour Yourself A Cigarette with Liquid Smoking

It's been a little while since my failure to quit smoking.  That's ok, I'll get back on that horse and ride again someday soon.  Until then, I've been taking a look at some options I have to help the mood swings. 

liquid smoking

Of all the things one might find when trying to quit smoking, whoda thunk you might find a liquid method of getting your fix?

While there may not be any nicotine in this fruit-flavored beverage, it purports to provide a 'euphoric calming feeling'.

The drink is targeted at those living in the UK, where there is a ban on smoking inside public premises, much like here in the States.

The drink is made from a potent mix of roots from South African plants, whose leaves the resident Bushmen there would chew on to achieve a high.

United Drinks has distilled these plants into a oil to mix into their drink which they hope to market in the UK much the same way that RedBull has been marketed.

There were no tests done on this drink to ensure that it isn't harmful in any way.  Drink at your own risk, much like smoking.

You can read more about the drink here.  I will be sticking to my diet of Dr. Pepper and real cigarettes for now.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Failure Is Best Handled With Humility

darn it all All good things have their dark side.  With all my best intentions and efforts, I have failed to quit smoking this time around.  As much as I had prepared and built myself up to quit, I failed to recognize one important factor, the mood swings.

I was rolling along just fine when out of nowhere I became a raging madman that would bite your head off as soon as I look at you.  I was not a nice person at all.

My family was prepared for this though.  They knew what I would become, and that is why they hate it when I try to quit and actually encourage me to continue smoking.  I'm just an unbearable asshole when I try to quit.

This got me thinking, again.  Perhaps some medications are not so bad.  Perhaps I should look into some.  I've been referred to a couple, but at the end of the day, a lobotomy sounds like the best option.

I'm going to regroup and try this again.  Failure doesn't need to be part of the process, but more often than not it will be there.  That's ok, in fact it may be a good thing in some respect.  I understand more about my addiction to nicotine now, and how it affects my mood when it's taken away from me.  Even days later when you think the worst is past!

I can rise above this, and I'll try it again (family shudders) when I feel I have things all set and ready.

Maybe I'll schedule a vacation the next time.  Perhaps I'll isolate myself in a 8x10 concrete cell for a week.  Perhaps I'll invest in some medications to use as a crutch during the first few weeks.

Either way, I'll share my ups and downs with everyone here.

You know this means that we cannot remove big tobacco from the world just yet.  We don't want the world becoming anything like I was over this past weekend.  That would be a HUGE no no and quite bad for everyone.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Approaching the 48 Hour Mark

It hasn't even been a complete two days and people are coming out of the woodwork to wish me well and offer up some encouraging words.  Most of them are ex-smokers as well.  I can't list everyone, but I do want to say that you should feel free to leave a comment here for all to see.  Thank you for showing your concern and support to me!

Most notably, I have been referred to a site called Why Quit that has some amazing material.  I just finished reading the Quit Smoking Tip Sheet to help find some encouraging words to help me out RIGHT NOW!

I've just finished lunch, and normally I would saunter outside, sit on the rail of the building and puff away, but not today.  No, today is a different day.  Where yesterday was simply a battle to make it through the day, today is more relaxed and calm.  I'm not so ignorant to believe that I have this licked yet though.  Each day from here should get a bit easier and easier.  Where I need to watch myself is the psychological aspects that might trigger my response to light up.

I can't wait for my lungs to start purging all the gunk and goop I've accumulated over the past 25-30 years.  My girl will love me for that...

24 Hours and Bit Beyond

good morning The greatest thing about sleep is that it gains you more hours on the 'Quit Clock' without even trying.  After yesterday's fiasco where I basically broke down and turned into a raging bull, I find myself a little embarrassed.  I couldn't control myself and allowed myself to get out of control, what a conundrum. 

I recently found out that Karen over at Chaos Free Living has also hopped aboard the quit smoking band wagon.  I'm glad I'm not alone.

Day 2 of the battle to quit smoking brings with it the possibility that one could slip right back into the same old habit.  I find that it is these days that I might find it easy to forget that I have quit smoking and catch myself in the act of heading outside to smoke...only to realize that I don't have any cigarettes on me, nor do I have a lighter anymore.  These are dangerous times for me.

I would love nothing more than to have a smoke right now, so I must resort back to my list of reasons why I don't like smoking and why I want to quit smoking, to help remind me of why I made these decisions.

I am much more calm about things at the present time.  The day is just starting, the sun is rising and it's a brand new day.  I like that I am not smoking.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

18 Hours Without Nicotine

I'm a raging asshole.  It's only been a little over 18 hours now and I now have scraped knuckles from hitting walls and the roof of my car.  I am missing one rearview mirror, and I nearly have put my head through the bathroom wall.

And I'm not kidding either.  Nicotine withdrawal is a bitch.

My hand is  bit swollen, but I'll survive that.  One thing I didn't expect was becoming so incredibly agitated in the middle of traffic.  I'm usually quite cool, but take away my nicotine and forget it.  I'm a raging asshole.

Right now my brain is going through some serious withdrawals.  I'm incredibly flippant and angry, never a good combination.  I have an incredible amount of rage right now that I would love nothing more than to aim that directly at a few of the big tobacco ass maggots.

Hours later....

All the above was written immediately after my drive home.  It is now hours later and I must say I'm incredibly disturbed by the level of emotion the above contains, but I felt it really captures the moment quite well.

If anyone takes anything away from this I'd like it to be an understanding that smoking cigarettes is a very strong addiction, and next time someone lights up and you feel like tossing an arrogant little 'cough cough' their way, think twice.  There might be someone who has just quit standing right next to you waiting to pop you one.

I'm now ready to sleep off the remainder of this day and start another one tomorrow.  So far so good, but I won't be so arrogant as some to call it "Mission Accomplished" just yet.   I would have to be the most ignorant asshole in the world to think that.

I still have my humor, thank my stars for that.

Day 1 - The first 12 hours

anger and pissyness I am now on the better part of half-way through my first 24 hours and I have yet to pick up a smoke.

I have not been the nicest of creatures however, and I've had to explain to a few people why I'm being a snatch today.  I quickly tell them that I have quit smoking and zip it!  I don't want anything to come from their mouths.  No words of encouragement, no 'oh that's great Wayne', nothing.  I want nothing from anyone as I start my journey.  The people I talk to can only encourage me to light up, not stop.  If anyone but myself was able to make me stop smoking, don't you think it would have happened long time ago?  Yup, so as far as my personal interactions with fellow human beings today, it isn't going to happen.  If it does happen, it doesn't go nicely.  It's not a self-realizing thing, it's just the reality of my temperment.

To me, receiving those type of well wishes really make me want to smoke.  It starts me thinking about it....stressing about it.  To the point where I will pick up a smoke if you don't shut your gosh darned trap!

Sorry...but that is what it's like.  I'm the biggest snapper on the west coast right now, and you had best stay out of my way while I'm in detox mode.

I have my gum by my side and I will fearlessly consume about 50 sticks today alone.  I have gotten up to walk around the entire office as well. 

If you leave a comment or have already, I am ignoring everyone today.  I'm not singling anyone out, it's just what I need to do.  The whole 'group hug' mentality will only sicken me today.

Here is to another smoke free 12 hours.  Today's goal is to make it to bed without having a cigarette where I can sleep off a bit more of my edginess.  Till then, just keep thinking happy thoughts and send those my way.