Thursday, October 16, 2008

Day 1 - The first 12 hours

anger and pissyness I am now on the better part of half-way through my first 24 hours and I have yet to pick up a smoke.

I have not been the nicest of creatures however, and I've had to explain to a few people why I'm being a snatch today.  I quickly tell them that I have quit smoking and zip it!  I don't want anything to come from their mouths.  No words of encouragement, no 'oh that's great Wayne', nothing.  I want nothing from anyone as I start my journey.  The people I talk to can only encourage me to light up, not stop.  If anyone but myself was able to make me stop smoking, don't you think it would have happened long time ago?  Yup, so as far as my personal interactions with fellow human beings today, it isn't going to happen.  If it does happen, it doesn't go nicely.  It's not a self-realizing thing, it's just the reality of my temperment.

To me, receiving those type of well wishes really make me want to smoke.  It starts me thinking about it....stressing about it.  To the point where I will pick up a smoke if you don't shut your gosh darned trap!

Sorry...but that is what it's like.  I'm the biggest snapper on the west coast right now, and you had best stay out of my way while I'm in detox mode.

I have my gum by my side and I will fearlessly consume about 50 sticks today alone.  I have gotten up to walk around the entire office as well. 

If you leave a comment or have already, I am ignoring everyone today.  I'm not singling anyone out, it's just what I need to do.  The whole 'group hug' mentality will only sicken me today.

Here is to another smoke free 12 hours.  Today's goal is to make it to bed without having a cigarette where I can sleep off a bit more of my edginess.  Till then, just keep thinking happy thoughts and send those my way.

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