All good things have their dark side. With all my best intentions and efforts, I have failed to quit smoking this time around. As much as I had prepared and built myself up to quit, I failed to recognize one important factor, the mood swings.
I was rolling along just fine when out of nowhere I became a raging madman that would bite your head off as soon as I look at you. I was not a nice person at all.
My family was prepared for this though. They knew what I would become, and that is why they hate it when I try to quit and actually encourage me to continue smoking. I'm just an unbearable asshole when I try to quit.
This got me thinking, again. Perhaps some medications are not so bad. Perhaps I should look into some. I've been referred to a couple, but at the end of the day, a lobotomy sounds like the best option.
I'm going to regroup and try this again. Failure doesn't need to be part of the process, but more often than not it will be there. That's ok, in fact it may be a good thing in some respect. I understand more about my addiction to nicotine now, and how it affects my mood when it's taken away from me. Even days later when you think the worst is past!
I can rise above this, and I'll try it again (family shudders) when I feel I have things all set and ready.
Maybe I'll schedule a vacation the next time. Perhaps I'll isolate myself in a 8x10 concrete cell for a week. Perhaps I'll invest in some medications to use as a crutch during the first few weeks.
Either way, I'll share my ups and downs with everyone here.
You know this means that we cannot remove big tobacco from the world just yet. We don't want the world becoming anything like I was over this past weekend. That would be a HUGE no no and quite bad for everyone.